Archive for the ‘Humor’ category

Graffiti

June 16, 2012

This has been the year of graffiti.  I have found it on the tables, chair legs and books. Some of the worse was the black felt marker graffiti on the oak (yes, solid oak) arms of the library couches.  Earlier this week a very sweet substitute teacher brought me a textbook with tagging in it.  The substitute sheepishly and quickly flipped the cover open to show what had been drawn in what we used to call “black magic marker.” “Oh great, nice touch,” I said.  A student had added two crude drawings of penises on the inside covers. How old are these kids again?  Eight?

While I was shelving books, since the students are gone, I found this.

It was appropriate since the book next to it is Alice in Wonderland.  Too bad this “graffiti artist” wasn’t more gifted.  They should have drawn a caterpillar sitting on a mushroom, smoking.

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Awards

May 16, 2012

…And the “Are You Kidding Me” award for the day goes to…….

Today, an individual on campus came to the library to ask for a movie.
We have some that are approved for student viewing.
There really are quite a few rules for showing copyrighted films to students in a school setting.
One of them being that the film must go along with the curriculum and two that only a very few minutes are shown to the students.
A very important point that is often overlooked is that 9th grade English teachers can’t show the R rated Baz Luhrmann’s version of Romeo & Juliet…..

The classroom helper came to the circulation desk and said “The teacher wants to borrow a Harry Potter DVD….”

I was good –  Gosh I was really good and held my tongue.  It took considerable constraint on my part.
What I wanted to say was…”Sorry, this isn’t Hogwarts…When did Harry Potter become a part of the district’s English curriculum?”

Instead I just said, “Nope, sorry.”

Star Testing

August 22, 2011

What do you do all day?

February 11, 2011

    

     In the past, I have actually had administrators ask, (never to me personally, to my face, but to someone else, within earshot) “What does Mrs. Hot do all day, now that she is not “in charge” of textbooks?”  News flash – I should have never been “in charge” of textbooks – I would love to see the stipend for the 7 years I did someone else’s job. 

     Whew!  Deep cleansing breath – In – Out – Find my happy place…..

     In any case, I recently had a librarian from another school ask for the Hot Library Tech’s job description. 
Wow, that required some thought.  While there is an actual job description that was released by the “Ministry of Magical Learning”  it does not begin to cover what library technicians do within the course of a day.  
     So, instead of doing what I do all day, I composed a job description including even, (shock) a little humor.  I am not finished yet, but it was enough information for the anxious librarian who emailed my librarian 12 times during the course of the day to check on my progress. 
     I shared my composition with another tech – we have a joke that we sit around eating bonbons and reading all day.   These are his thoughts on our job description: 

1.)    Open library, turn on computer
2.)    Place bon bons on desk within easy reach
3.)    Spin around in chair 5 times
4.)    Read magazines
5.)    Count paperclips

Gotta go, my bonbons are melting!

Book Stores

January 13, 2011

Confucius say: 
“If you are in a book store and cannot find the book for which you search
you are obviously in the……

At the Circulation desk…

November 17, 2010

Today I had a student come up to the circulation desk and ask for a book. 
“What type of book do you need?” I asked.  I don’t usually use the word genre; I get very puzzled looks. 
The teenager responded, “I need a book about somebody who’s dead.” 

Gotta love the Biography unit in English 1.

And the winner is…..

September 10, 2010

School started two weeks ago – that first day I could have confiscated no less than 6 cell phones.  Instead I just barked in my drill sergeant voice, “Do you really want a detention on the first day of school, private?” 

Today after school I had a dozen little darlings on the student computers.  They were actually all working – having finally mastered the new requirement of their own login and password.  It was quiet except for the sound of busy little fingers and one girl’s voice…..talking… I was hearing a one-sided conversation. 

I should have known something was up – the other students on computers kept glancing at me – looking away and then back again.  Some of them were giggling.  Ah, they have seen me in action before…..
Then it hit me…I am a bit rusty after the long summer…somebody was on their cell phone.  A 9th grader on computer Ten was chatting merrily, oblivious to the Great White who was circling behind her….cue music…

I must say, my compliments to the rest of the students who were  kept doing their work.  Not one of them tried to give her the “heads up” or the complimentary “LOOK OUT behind YOU!!”  As I stepped in front of the student and caught her eye, the color drained from her face. 
“Ohh Mommy!” she squeaked and disconnected her phone. 
Keeping my voice as interesting as a bowl of oatmeal, I said, “Bring your self and the cell phone to the counter.”  She went into the usual dramatic teenage girl freak out.  The rest of the students on the computers turned in their chairs to watch the floor show….Wow!  No cover charge!  No two drink minimum! 

When I reached the portion of the cell phone violation form that states, “Cell phones will only be released to the parent or guardian…” the color in her cheeks she had recovered, quickly dissappeared.  I think she realized it was pointless to struggle. 
Perhaps I need to make a special certificate for having one’s cell phone confiscated by the HotLibraryTech – I had one for the First Lost Textbook of the Year – back when I dealt with textbooks…I called it the “Kiss It Goodbye” award.  This year it only took two hours on the first day for someone to earn that honor.) 

After finishing the form and contacting the office on the radio, I walked the student to the office – policy states that you send the student and the form along their cell phone to the office…but quite frankly that’s like turning your back on a 2-year-old in front of an open cookie jar.